Funny Wife Quotes

Funny Wife Quotes i.e. searching for some funny wife quotes and sayings. If you answer is big "YES", then now you don't need to search for them anymore. As here I have compiled down some of the funniest funny wife quotes. Just hope you will like this quote compilation and able to say what you want to say ;)

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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Rodney Dangerfield

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man, then complain he's not the man she married?
Barbra Streisand

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

To catch a husband is an art; to him hum is a job.
Simone de Beauvoir

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.
Oscar Wilde

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.
Jarod Kintz

Every man sees his wife like an angel; until he gets a better one.
M.F. Moonzajer

Don’t be jealous if I spend 50% of my time with you, and 50% of my time with others, because you get 100% of 50%, while all the others have to share that other 50%.” This is the speech I’ve prepared to tell my wife in the future, when I’m spending a majority minus one percent of my time with my clones.
Jarod Kintz

Variability is one of the virtues of a woman. It avoids the crude requirement of polygamy. So long as you have one good wife you are sure to have a spiritual harem.
G.K. Chesterton

We treat our stone wives with much more care than they treat their warm ones, anyway. I personally dust mine once a week, and I know Khaamil gives them presents when I am not looking. These are yours - they are in your care, and you must be faithful.
Catherynne M. Valente

A wife is like a children's movie; always under-appreciated and without either, life would be incomplete
John Steinbeck

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad
Terry Pratchett

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Albert Einstein

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

[I]t is dangerous for a bride to be apologetic about her husband.
Wallace Stegner

The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.
Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor.

There is no spectacle on earth more appealing than that of a beautiful woman in the act of cooking dinner for someone she loves.
Thomas Wolfe

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.
E.W. Howe

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

...there are no sweeter words in the English language (or any other) than husband and wife.
Lanier Ivester

There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.
Robert Frost

I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
George Carlin

I never think of policemen's wives; their beauty maddens me like wine.
Kyril Bonfiglioli