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| Tommy Boy Quotes |
Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!
Tommy Callahan
Bees! Bees! Bees in the car! Bees everywhere! God, they're huge and they're sting crazy! They're ripping my flesh off! Run away, your firearms are useless against them!
Tommy Callahan
Fat guy in a little coat! Fat guy in a little coat!
Tommy Callahan
Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I'm going. My dad just died. We just killed Bambi. I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE EMBANKMENT.
Tommy Callahan
I was just checking the specs on the end line for the...rotary...girder... I'm retarded.
Tommy Callahan
If I wanted a kiss, I would've called you mother.
Tommy Callahan
Not here, or here so much... but right 'here'.
Tommy Callahan
Richard, who's your favorite little rascal? Alfalfa, or is it Spanky? Sinner...
Tommy Callahan
R.T. I lost my virginity to your daughter for crying out loud..........Rob, you were there.
Tommy Callahan
Son of a... That's gonna leave a mark.
Tommy Callahan
Some of us are leaving, and that is sad, but this isn't the end. No way. We're gonna show this world a thing or two. We're going to show... [passes out]
Tommy Callahan
Sorry, pardon me. Can I just check this out? D-plus? Oh, my god. I passed! I passed! Oh, man! I got a D-Plus! I'm going to graduate! I wish we'd known each other. This is a little awkward.
Tommy Callahan
Were you watching Spanktravision? Maybe you were watching a movie with that funny comedian. Oh, what's his name? Buddy...Whack-it?
Tommy Callahan
What my associate is trying to say is that, uh, our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even going to believe it. Like, um, let's say you're driving along the road with your family. And you're driving along la li la. And then, all of the sudden there's a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. Err! Whoa, that was close. Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the 'other guy's' brake pads. You're driving along. You're driving along and all of the sudden the kids are yelling from the backseat, 'I got to go to the bathroom, daddy!', 'Not now, damn it!', truck tire, eeeee, 'I can't stop!'. Help! There's a cliff! Aah! And your family's screaming 'Oh my god, we're burning alive!' 'No! I can't feel my legs!'. In comes the meat wagon. And the medic gets out and says, 'Oh, my god.'. New guy's in the corner puking his guts out. All because... you want to save a couple of extra pennies. To me, it doesn't...
Tommy Callahan
You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, cuz I'll come over there and jam an oar up your ass!
Tommy Callahan
He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he folks?
Richard Hayden
It's called reading, you know, top to bottom, left to right. A group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps.
Richard Hayden
It's the next town, tons-of-fun. It's got to be there. Okay, where's Moron? Okay, Moron's here, so McKeesport...
Richard Hayden
Okay, folks, the guy in front of you is Tommy. He'll be taking you through my little spiel here. Tommy is a Scorpio, he likes biking, and he's never been laid. Exits, okay, there's one back here, and there's uh, probably one over by the wing somewhere, usually. And what about seatbelts? To fasten, take the little end stick it in the big end and... hey, know what? If you guys don't know how to use a seat belt, just ring your call button, and Tommy will come back there and hit you over the head with a tack hammer because you are a retard. Okay, and life preservers, these... we may need. Although what are the odds of us actually hitting a lake? My money says if anything, it's gonna be a mountain.
Richard Hayden
Ugh! I could actually hear you getting fatter .
Richard Hayden
Ugh, why do you always have to de-turd these things? Look at this one, caught him after Thanksgiving feast, I think I'm gonna need a pooperscooper.
Richard Hayden
Ugh, I just barfed on an anthill. Cool. Ugh, I think they're pissed.
Richard Hayden
Of course, I can get a hell of a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it.
Big Tom Callahan
Quit playing with your dinghy.
Big Tom Callahan
Listen up, you little spazoids! I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you!
Michelle Brock
Hey you aint moving!
Kids
Hey Gilligan, did you eat the skipper?!
Kids
Hey lady, there's a fat whale on your boat! ya, free willy
Kids
No you need to drop a couple hundred pounds Blimp!
Kids