Random Funny Quotes

Searching for some random funny quotes. Welcome to my collection about random funny quotes. Hope you like them and share with your friends or write down on facebook, twitter or tumblr walls.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="500"]Random Funny Quotes Random Funny Quotes[/caption]

Nice dress. Take it off.
Janet Evanovich

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time.
She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.
Woody Allen

I don't like lollipops.
Eoin Colfer

Room service? Send up a larger room.
Groucho Marx

The human body is the best work of art.
Jess C. Scott

I quote others only to better express myself.
Michel de Montaigne

They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
Scott Adams

I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.
Ron Kittle

I like to spoon after I fork.
Jarod Kintz

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
Oliver Goldsmith

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.
Winston Churchill

Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.
John Green

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
Irina Dunn

My dad used to say that life's a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map.
Rachel Caine

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Steven Wright

I never made one of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking
Albert Einstein

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Dave Barry

I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
Dorothy Parker

A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.
Charles Chaplin

An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
Winston Churchill

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world.
Eoin Colfer

It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word.
Andrew Jackson