Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes About Life
Funny Quotes About Life
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Albert Einstein

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brendan Gill

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
Brooke Shields

When people tell you how young you look, they are telling you how old you are.
Cary Grant

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewhite

I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
Charles M. Schulz

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock

There are people who have money and people who are rich.
Coco Chanel

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
George Bernard Shaw

Life is half spent before we know what it is.
George Herbert

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Isaac Asimov

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.
Jackson Brown

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Jean-Paul Sartre

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Josh Billings

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West

The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.
Marcus Aurelius

My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
Margaret Smith

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Oscar Wilde

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is too short to work so hard.
Vivien Leigh

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

Life is like a trumpet - if you don't put anything into it, you don't get anything out of it.
William Christopher Handy

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.
Yogi Berra

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor