Dave Barry Quotes

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Award winning American Journalist and Author. Popularly known for his nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald (1983-2005). Here I have compiled down some of the best Dave Berry quotes. Hope you like this quote collection and learn something new here.

Dave Barry Quotes
Dave Barry Quotes
American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.
Dave Barry

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
Dave Barry

Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.
Dave Barry

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Dave Barry

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dave Barry

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.
Dave Barry

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.
Dave Barry

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
Dave Barry

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.
Dave Barry

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
Dave Barry

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.
Dave Barry

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.
Dave Barry

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid.
Dave Barry

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.
Dave Barry

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Dave Barry

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
Dave Barry

Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.
Dave Barry

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barry

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
Dave Barry

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Dave Barry

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Dave Barry

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Dave Barry

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.
Dave Barry

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.
Dave Barry

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
Dave Barry

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
Dave Barry

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
Dave Barry

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
Dave Barry

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
Dave Barry

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
Dave Barry

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro.
Dave Barry