Dane Cook Quotes

/ /
Ah, what am I suppose to say to an atheist when he sneezes, ah, when you die nothing happens ...
Dane Cook

Burger King, or the BK Lounge as I like to call it
Dane Cook

Dane Cook Quotes
Dane Cook Quotes
Colin Quinn ladies and gentlemen, Colin Quinn ... Colin, you started off your career on the game show Remote Control, isn't it, yeah ... yeah, isn't it, isn't it ironic that that's what most of America reaches for when your new show is on .
Dane Cook

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
Dane Cook

Don't look at me in that tone of voice ...
Dane Cook

Every guy here would love to have a monkey ...
Dane Cook

How do you fall into a lion's den, that is my first question there, you think you would be extra carefull around a den of lions
Dane Cook

Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips
Dane Cook

Here's how you know, that you're really drunk ... I figured it out ... when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time
Dane Cook

If you're saying what are penguins like, they're a bit persnickety, I'll say that ... um, thank you, I have a thesaurus in my house
Dane Cook

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
Dane Cook

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Dane Cook

In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.
Dane Cook

I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.
Dane Cook

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
Dane Cook

I know what the secret ingredient is ... love
Dane Cook

I like the mocha cappuccino orgasm myself
Dane Cook

I'm dating a younger sexier crowd
Dane Cook

Its a plastic bag you idiot, why don't you just suffocate me with a wicker basket while you're at it
Dane Cook

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
Dane Cook

I went to the dmv, or as I like to call it, Satan's ***hole
Dane Cook

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
Dane Cook

I want venom
Dane Cook

I wish I were a snake
Dane Cook

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
Dane Cook

I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
Dane Cook

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
Dane Cook

I can't wait to get Nick's [DiPaolo's] new comedy album, its called stop me if you heard this in junior high school
Dane Cook

I'm going to hell, ahhhhh ... but you're laughing, so you're coming
Dane Cook

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.
Dane Cook

I'm not racist, I've got a black president
Dane Cook

I'm a late-night guy.
Dane Cook

I would love to have acidy spit ...
Dane Cook

I look at Artie and feel he is me in another dimension ...
Dane Cook

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.
Dane Cook

It really drives me banana sangwich ...
Dane Cook

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.
Dane Cook

Lot of Boston guys here tonight, Denis [Leary], we've got Lenny Clarke, we've got Nick [DiPaolo], Mario [Cantone], who knew Red Sox's curse affected comedians' careers
Dane Cook

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.
Dane Cook

Sometimes I like a dancing plethora of cheese in my mouth, and then other times I am into a more solo cheese adventure, just a single one on one, me and one cheese
Dane Cook

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
Dane Cook

That would be great if that was a real cereal ... start your day off the holy way with Christ Chex ... its a miracle in a bowl
Dane Cook

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
Dane Cook

What's with this you never having a drink?
Dane Cook

When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion
Dane Cook

When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain
Dane Cook

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
Dane Cook

You know what they say Vince, it ain't over till your mama sings ...
Dane Cook

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
Dane Cook

You can't go in there crazy like a dragon with a hemorrhoid ...
Dane Cook
 
Copyright © 2010 Quotes Tree, All rights reserved
Design by DZignine. Powered by Blogger