Groucho Marx Quotes

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groucho marx quotes
Groucho Marx Quotes
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
Groucho Marx

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx

Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Groucho Marx

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book
Groucho Marx

I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
Groucho Marx

groucho marx quotes
Groucho Max Quotes
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
Groucho Marx

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Groucho Marx

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Groucho Marx

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Groucho Marx

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
Groucho Marx

Room service? Send up a larger room.
Groucho Marx

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
Groucho Marx

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
Groucho Marx

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
 
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