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| Groucho Marx Quotes |
Groucho Marx
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
Groucho Marx
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Groucho Marx
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book
Groucho Marx
I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.
Groucho Marx
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| Groucho Max Quotes |
Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
Groucho Marx
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Groucho Marx
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
Groucho Marx
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Groucho Marx
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Groucho Marx
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
Groucho Marx
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Groucho Marx
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
Groucho Marx
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
Groucho Marx
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
