|Funny Quotes About Life|
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
When people tell you how young you look, they are telling you how old you are.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
Charles M. Schulz
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
There are people who have money and people who are rich.
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
George Bernard Shaw
Life is half spent before we know what it is.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.
My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is too short to work so hard.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
Life is like a trumpet - if you don't put anything into it, you don't get anything out of it.
William Christopher Handy
I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
Zsa Zsa Gabor